When you hear the name Mina, what comes to your mind?
Of course, of course... This little maiden that stole Dracula's heart...
Well, she was like Mina... And I was like Dracula. Now, let me tell you a story of mine...
When I met her, she was indeed looking like Mina.
Even more beautiful from her, I could say... She was like a fairy, in my eyes, she was like she didn't belonged to this world. And I had this feeling, that this girl was someone I have met before. Perhaps in my dreams...
Her eyes... Emerald stones that shined like stars I had never seen before... What could I say about her? I am not sure how Dracula should have felt when he met his fatal beauty, but for sure, it must had great admiration in it... Because, when you meet a girl like this, you could not avoid to fall in love with her... But also, to stay a little away, as she seems so... unreachable to you...
She really was like Mina... This was also the way we met. She had a part from Dracula's movie, where he was holding her from behind and was about to kiss her.
Alluring picture. It was seductive to me. A Gothic Romance. And then, I felt in love with her...
At that time, I didn't know much about love, about feelings, about anything... My only truth at that time was the way I felt. My emotional needs and how much I allowed them to be expressed...
Now I see a bit deeper... I feel a bit more. I understand how my most deep emotions works.
I was like a vampire. My needs, my desires, were harmful for the one I loved. I couldn't see her as she was.
I wanted her mine. An object, in my possession. That's how I loved her. My dominant nature could not find love, affection, acceptance in any other way of relationship.
Do you know how it feels like? It is like a pain in the chest, because you know you are not good enough for this. There is nothing good in desiring such a thing. You are a monster and you know it.
But you just can't help it. Being a Domme is like being a vampire. You need love to survive. You need blood to survive. And you can't pay for it with anything, except your guilt and regrets.
She found this a little alluring. Was it the mystery of a gothic romance, she had never lived? Or the charming feeling to belong to someone? I am not sure. But she gave in and, for a short time, she was mine.
Still, not as I wanted. An unconditional love, not in its pure form, but in a way of total submission and addiction. My only way to feel secure. I offered a lot, to feel worthy enough to ask for everything.
Remember the brides of Dracula? Verona, Marishka, Aleera. They could offer him everything he ever wanted. Blood, love, devotion, submission, beauty. But it was something else that he needed in Mina.
She was as pure as a flower. As a white rose. Or a lily. His hands were filthy, with blood and dirt. If he touched this flower, he would be dirtying it. But, if this beautiful flower agreed, it could share this purity with him. This kind of acceptance could make him feel less monstrous.
And she agreed... Like Mina, this girl of mine, seemed to feel the way I felt and responded to my feelings.
But it wasn't so. This was an attraction, surely, some emotions, but nothing more. Nothing of what I expected (or hoped).
I wanted more, I needed more. I wanted everything from her and to be her everything. She was the only one that shed a tear for my difficulties and opened her arms for me. For a person like me, that grew up in rejection, fear, pain, this was more than enough to fall for her completely.
However, as in Dracula, Mina finally understands the true nature of this attractive man. She finally rejects him, too. Like everybody else. She chose the "good guy", this man who would offer her more and ask for nothing that could be too much.
And this betrayal was what kills Dracula. He died for her, gladly, for having her, even for a moment, as he needed her. And for leaving her safe and sound, in what was the most suitable choice for her...
You don't need to be a vampire to feel like a monster. If the way you express love is not appropriate, you may be one. What matters is to be responsible against yourself and others.
Here is a song... Oh, I'm still so lovesick for Mina...
